I have come to realise that inner darkness is quite common. I am not talking about being in grief. I am not talking about having received bad news. In fact one of the core characteristics of the darkness that I am speaking of, is the problem of not really knowing where the feeling has come from.
I want to be equally clear I am not speaking of clinical depression. This is a serious condition beyond my remit. In addition to this I would like to add that nothing written here should be heard in anyway to minimize the seriousness of this condition. Please do not cut down, or worse still, stop taking any prescribed medication you may be on.
No what I am speaking of, is something different. Maybe the blues. A little dip – maybe a little too often for comforts sake. Maybe melancholia. In any case it is not a nice feeling and it can be triggered off very easily. Once it sets in, it can be difficult enough to shift. With this in mind I scribbled the few lines below:
DID YOU EVER FALL DOWN A BLACK HOLE?
Sunday Afternoon
Mooching mode.
Cold in the bones
Cold in the heart.
Here it comes again
Bluer than before.
Beyond tears
Beyond nausea.
Triggered by old faces
Old places
Different me
Same me
Renders me sick,
Stuck.
Happily for me
I know Jesus
Without whom
I’m lost.
It might be helpful to remember that we are not the first to be regularly fighting with darkness and we will certainly not be the last to do so.
To tell ourselves that we will definitively beat darkness is to set ourselves up for disappointment.
Is not darkness, or the restlessness that is in all of us, actually part of how we are made?
Yes of course there are many things that make our wrestling with the darkness more manageable, ranging from drinking water, fresh air, exercise to a good book or movie, to a good laugh or cry!
However in my experience good friendship, sacred silence, good quality conversation, music and time alone with the Lord are amongst the best weapons in our armoury on the days of darkness. Sometimes it is important to remind ourselves, and each other, that Jesus is the Great Healer, the Light of the World, the one that not only does not want us to be sick, but in fact wants us to walk in the Light.
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